http://www.mychumsclub.comVintageVintage

Dear Friends

Just before the end of the year I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded over the year.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once

I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft is sending me for participating in his special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me, for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

At last Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign. His cabinet

colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after

him. So a senior ‘Sir Humphrey’ went from Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York , to investigate the possibilities.

 Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. 

01.  Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

Fun

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed
was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ' Dad .'
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter,
with trembling hands.


'Dear, Dad .
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum
and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew
you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her
tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad . She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods,
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other
people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad , I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
many grandchildren.


Love,
Your son, Joshua.


P.S. Dad , none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!

 To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. 
One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favourite Things'  from  'Sound Of Music'.   Here are the lyrics she used: 

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how the died. 

1^st Woman: “I froze to death.”  

2^nd Woman: “How horrible!”
1^st Woman: “It wasn’t too bad, after I quit shaking from the cold; I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?”

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

 After 20 years of marriage, a couple were lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.